Christmas Shopping Tips: What Victoria’s Secret Looks Like at Our Age

Christmas stockings 2Christmas shopping has to be the bane of most men’s existence. I have never met a man who has said “I love shopping for my wife (girlfriend, S/O… boyfriend?)”

I used to have a mate who used the “I never know what to get you” excuse, even though he had asked for a list.

Later on we mutually simplified the thing like this: I went out and bought 3-4 things I would really love to have. I’d leave them for him, he could choose one and take the others back, all without my knowing which had been selected.

It may have lost something in the planning, but on Christmas Eve, he knew there would be happiness in the house that night.

Some men pay attention and take notes… only to find out later that the notes have gone through the washer and now look like some kind of automotive parts lists.

Other men, like Jeanne Robertson’s husband in this video clip below, take initiative into their own hands (oh, help us..) and head out for the local mall shopping center.

Enticed by all the gorgeous models on display, scantily clad mannequins in the windows, sensuous fragrances wafting from the door like some come hither finger beckoning them inside, these hardy souls put themselves at the mercy of the “happiness representatives” (a modern term for Santa’s wayward elves).

Before these elfin seductresses cast their spell upon you and take you away from reality, watch this video carefully. I guarantee you, it will be the best Christmas shopping tip I can give you. This… is what the “real world” sees when you come to the next morning.

 

Never mind the bat in the bedroom, never mind the broom. Focus on the Victoria’s Secret!

(Her description of Victoria’s Secret at our age reminded me of my mis-adventures in Scotland– the one that left me scarred for life!  I had to laugh in spite of myself as I thought back over that funny event.)

So, with just a few days left before Christmas or in Hanukkah or till New year’s– guys, do yourselves a favor.

If you don’t know what a thong is, or what that battery operated item is for, please don’t buy them just because the elf says, Go on… She’ll loooove it!”

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Chances are you’ll only embarrass yourself when you try to put them on!

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As a bonus, since you’ve made it this far… This clip above is a slightly wacky song parody that seemed to fit the tongue-in-cheek spirit of this post.

I first heard this in Germany when we were visiting the Chistkindlemarkt in Munich… (How’s that for an odd holiday memory!)

It’s a spoof on the winter classic, “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”: entitled, “Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear”. (No video- just Santa, sorry guys!)

Whether you’re basking under a palm tree in the Pacific, or freezing yourselves in Lapland, I wish you the best as this year makes way for new and better days ahead!

 

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benedikt julian zacher.

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